butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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