Please, let me fuck your mom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
