What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
