Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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