I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
