Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
