He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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