I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
