The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
