Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
