I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
