everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
