No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
