he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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