I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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