how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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