I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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