hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
