Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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