Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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