I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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