We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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