I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
