I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
