you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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