he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He passed out mid-signature
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
