so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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