oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
