Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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