WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
