I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
