were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I won the penis lottery.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
