Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
