so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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