Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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