I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
