so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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