So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
