Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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