she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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