Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
