It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
