Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We need to rekindle our bromance
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
