We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
