I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize