I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
from now on my penis is your penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
