he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
