lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
