..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
