BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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