Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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