At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
