No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
