Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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