shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
