I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
