put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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