PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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