I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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