she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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