Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
