So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
