Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
