You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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