she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
