its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
