My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
